Towering above all creation it sits barren and dry at the bottom but yet life lives going this way and that among the patches of grass and forest. The farther up this creature you go the more lifeless it becomes. Soon to be only snow and ice inhabiting its cliffs, but yet it continues higher until it reaches a point. There is nothing, only complete serenity and swirling clouds the mountain has finished. It stands there above everything, with great authority for it is a great wonder to all that see it as to how it may have gotten so magnificent and in its glory the mountain will forever remain a great wonder of the world.
Listen, this is quite good. Try to manipulate the text now like I showed in class to turn the work into a poem. You could do either closed or open form, as the writing looks close to either. Excellent job Ben.
ReplyDeleteNice job Ben. Your vocab is amazing throughout the whole paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI love your personification of the mountain, making it a living creature. You may want to utilize commas more to help your flow. With the lack of them, a lot of it seems run on.
ReplyDeleteBen,
ReplyDeleteYour poem was really great. All the vocab you used and the different sentence structures really made this a good piece.
-Karen